I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
