We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
