What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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