I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
