??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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