just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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