she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
