shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
