Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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