im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
