I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I pour the whiskey from now on
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
