I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
