apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
