It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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