nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will be naked everywhere
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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