she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
