I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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