the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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