cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
