I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
