so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
