Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
