this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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