i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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