I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't turn off my feet"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
