He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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