overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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