DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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