I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
