OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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