No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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