he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
literally had 100 drinks last night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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