At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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