You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
