Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
