Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
