it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
