We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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