So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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