i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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