wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
