I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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