TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
