I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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