Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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