I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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