No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
