I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
