Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
