Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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