I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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