Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
