I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
